No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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