WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
