dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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