so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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