grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
