How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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