Please, let me fuck your mom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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