there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
