dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
