oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
