I should be sponsored by Trojan
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
