with your own penis?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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