You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
bring money and cleavage
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
