the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
