This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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