She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
don't judge my taste in strippers
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
