It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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