This is not my ceiling
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
