Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
