Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
