I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
