Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
