There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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