well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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