Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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