This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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