I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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