I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
