The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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