So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
