Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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