For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
