I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
