I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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