Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
