and you said cock pushups were impossible
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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