if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
