do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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