Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he thought i was a dude.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
