I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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