Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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