Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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