um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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