Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
