he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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