YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
