I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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