Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
