I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
