Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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