i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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