Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
