Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
