something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
