I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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