I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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