Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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