At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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