That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
