apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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