Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
