He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
