At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
