Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
