she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found the puke drawer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
