I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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